The Chair Break

To everyone out there who has ever been publicly humiliated by virtue of the chair/bench break, this one's for you............
It all started my senior year in high school (though I doubt it was truly the first incident). I was in Costa Rica on an exchange trip that fell over Easter. That Sunday, I went to church with my dear friend Christie and our respective host families. Throughout the mass, I kept peering down at the kneeler in front of me thinking it didn't look NEARLY as sturdy as the ones back home. Fat Americans, I thought. We need big kneelers. But there had been no kneeling yet, so I was feeling good about things. And then it happened. During a moment of silence, the priest asked for us to all get on our knees and bow our heads. Like the obliging Catholics that we are, we dropped to our knees and lowered our heads... and the bench split in two, Titanic style. The priest stopped speaking and everyone turned to stare. Christie and I kept our heads down and quietly shook from silent laughter. Tears streaming down my cheeks, I counted the minutes til mass was over and we could escape humiliation.
But there was no escape. Word spread like wildfire throughout the tiny town of Esparza and when Rafael, my suave latino-lover wannabe saw me later that day, his first words to me were, "Hey there, Hulk."
Excellent.
Fast forward to Senior year in college. I go to dinner at my boss's house... she has invited one of my fellow classmates/co-workers along as she knows that I am hopelessly in love with him. I try my hardest to play it cool as I put on my witty act. When it's time for dinner, we all gather around the table and sit. Again, before sitting I looked at the chair and noticed one of the legs looked a little funny. But I'm not one to be rude. So I sat down, lover boy directly across from me. I'm laughing and in the middle of a wild story, arms flailing, when the chair legs go out from under and I fall flat on my ass. I could've died. I laughed it off while my boss stared at me HORRIFIED. Said love interest laughed and asked if I was OK... I cracked a joke about the "senior fifteen", trying to tone my red, mortified cheeks down, and said I would prefer to stand for the rest of dinner. Needless to say, no date came from the evening... gee, I wonder why.
So for all of you out there who've experienced this, I feel your pain.
More to come.......

Vintage Jewelry and Astrology

This morning I had another one of those random stranger experiences that I love so very much. Walking to work from the T, Ipod turned on, I felt a little tap on my shoulder. I took out my earplugs and turned to see a tiny elderly man standing beside me. “How do I get to New Chardon St.?” He asked.

I started to give him directions and then realized I could just walk him there myself since it’s right next to my building. “Come with me, I’ll show you,” I said.

This little old man smiled at me and said, “I just love your beautiful red jewelry. You belong at a Chinese wedding.”

“Oh yes, I love red… I’ve decided to be more bold!”

He laughed. “You know, I have a beautiful beaded necklace you would love…and you’d also love the vintage jewelry of the 40s.”

“Yup, vintage is the best. I am a huge fan!”

We crossed the street and I wished him a nice day.

“You too,” he smiled back. Then he stopped, looked at me and said, “Are you a Gemini?”

I was a little stunned, I won’t lie. “Actually, I am, how’d you know?”He winked and started walking. “I’m on today,” was his response.

I was convinced at that point that he was Jesus. Or that magical fairy from Beauty and the Beast. I’m almost always convinced that when dealing with a total stranger, if I’m rude I will suddenly grow fur and claws and be condemned to a tower for the rest of my life. But hopefully this little incident just fed my good karma.
It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood…

Interesting Things I Have Done/Learned This Month

A month ago around this time I went to a free happy hour and somehow ended up in the North End of Boston with a cigar in one hand and a cannoli in the other.

Two weekends ago I was in western Mass at my college roommate's bridal shower and helped sew a wedding vale together (you know me, Miss Debbie Domestic). I also learned that weekend what a garlic press is and that cabbage is not the same as lettuce even though to me they look identical.

Last Wednesday, I went to Colby Alumni Pub Night in Boston and came in last place at Colby Trivia. My group had no idea who the President of the Board of Trustees was but did guess the name of Bro's pet pig correctly. As you can see, what is important to some is not important to others.

Last weekend I found myself in Indianapolis visiting my darling Meredith and during a game of Catch Phrase, correctly guessed "Suze Orman" (the economist that often appears in O Magazine) but failed at every word in the sports division. I also learned that unless a Bengali Tiger is fully sedated, you should never try to push it out of a tree.

Today, while Melissa and I were at Payless on our lunch break, we witnessed a crime. Leaving the store, the woman in front of us set off the alarm and assuming it was a glitch in the system (as it usually is), none of us flinched. As soon as we got out of the store, the woman ran so fast our heads were spinning. Tom later asked me if, like a Good Samaritan, I had jumped and tackled her to the ground. I told Tom I jumped and tackled someone once in high school (not just for fun but to help another kid who was getting picked on) and really didn't feel like doing that again over a pair of cheaply made shoes.

Tonight I realized that I get more bridal magazines than any other mail and I swear to God, someone registered me somewhere as a joke. If David's Bridal calls me one more time to congratulate me on my wedding this June, I am going to retaliate with a few eye pecks.

On Friday, I leave for Italy to visit my sister who has been studying abroad in Florence and am completely packed and ready. It is going to be a whirlwind tour, but this much I know- I will have stomped on grapes at a Vineyard before I return to the U.S., even if I have to bring the damn grapes with me myself. I will also eat delicious, delicious pasta. And perhaps ride a Vespa.

Question of the day: What would you do differently in your life if there was no one there to judge it? If you could go back to being ten and fall hopelessly in love with someone who made no sense at all? If you had the courage to do precisely what it is your heart wants right this VERY moment?

Adventures on the T.

Let me start by saying I have been completely inactive today. We're talking approx. 7 hours on the couch watching bad TV.

Moving right along...

Great story for you guys. I mean, the point of this blog IS to post great stories to make you laugh or think or, I don't know, distract you from work.

Saturday I get myself all dolled up for the Make-A-Wish Gala (huge success, by the way) and hope on the T. When I get on the T there is no one else that gets on but a mildly attractive male with somewhat bad boy tendencies (be still my immature heart). He sits directly across from me. I exchange a few flirtatious glances and then nervously read the ads on the wall as I am known by ex boyfriends as the "shifty eye girl." It's a bizarre thing, I know. I just have a hard time making eye contact for long periods of time without blushing.

We get to the Harvard T stop and the doors open. Two elderly Chinese women get on and sit DIRECTLY. BESIDE. ME. There is an entire train to choose from but they are literally on top of me. I think nothing of this because I have weird experiences constantly with perfect strangers. The woman next to me pulls out a tupperware container and out of the corner of my eye I try to identify what she's about to eat. It sort of looks like grapefruit but I don't want to get caught staring so I look off into space. A split second later I look directly at bad boy sitting across from me and realize he is staring at the woman next to me with his mouth wide open in that appalled, "what the hell?" way. I turn to my left, look down, and watch- horrified- as she cracks hard boiled egg after hard boiled egg open and then throws the shells down on the floor ontop of my foot and nice nylons. My eyes move from egg to foot and back up to the guy who is now staring directly at me, laughing silently, shoulders shaking. I immediately burst into laughter and bite my bottom lip as hard as possible. I can't even bare to look at him now because there is no way we'll make it the rest of the ride without appearing rude. And, since I do not speak Chinese (and I'm assuming this dude doesn't either), there's no way to politely ask this woman to stop dumping the shells on my foot as I need to work a black tie event at the Intercontinental Hotel in approximately 30 minutes.

I finally land at my stop, exit the T and laugh til I cry, walking in the rain down Atlantic Avenue.

What. Is. My. Life?

Have you ever wondered why when in any given moment, your brain is literally minutes, hours, days or years ahead of you, giving you that cartoon character feeling where you wind up so fast to run that your feet have left and your body is still in place? Because I wonder about that every day. I'll be the first person to tell you to live in the moment, love the very second you're in and stop and smell the roses. But maybe it's easier to do that when there is nothing in the forseeable future. Maybe the reason we can just be happy in a moment is because we don't have any foresight into what the next moment may be. And when we finally DO, it changes everything.

I remember being at my old job and going home everyday to spend hours applying for new positions. I was so intent on moving on and moving out that the past year of my life before I moved to Boston was a pathetic little blur. I have almost no fond memories or pangs of nostalgia for that year at all except for the fact that I did love my coworkers and still miss them.

Now I am at my new job and I'm happy. I love what I do, I believe in it, and I've made great new friends. I have a fun apartment with awesome roommates in a great area of town. There is no forecasting. I'm living in the moment because there isn't any other moment that I want right now. I want what I have... or maybe I have what I want.

Of course, I still daydream about that chocolate shop at the foot of the Swiss Alps... but it seems more likely that that will come after the student loans have been paid off.

Then of course there is the issue of love- I've been in love... twice actually... maybe even three times. All very different types of love with very different types of people. And before I was in love with those various people, life was OK. I didn't have that "over the moon" feeling and a smile literally plastered to my face (ok, maybe I had the smile, but it wasn't coming from the same depths as the "love" smile), but life was good. I didn't know what I was missing-- I just knew that being single rocked, spending time with friends was the best, and all would happen in good time. Then, like a bat out of hell, love sideswipes you and turns you into this mush pot that picks wildflowers off the side of the road during lunch break. And all of a sudden you've reached this incredible high that you didn't know was possible and it's scary because what goes up must come down as the law of physics goes.

Bam. You're down. And now you're back to the place you were before except now you KNOW what love is like and now life is not quite the same. So you swear off relationships and you spend years reconstructing your heart and learning how to be the sassy, independent diva that you are... and that's when it happens again. Why? Because nature draws people into you when you are at your best. It makes sense...it's just annoying. Just when you finally think you're back to normal and happy, the complication finds its way back into your life. And you resist and fight and want desperately to keep it out but you eventually let your guard down again... and then it happens- the raging disappointment. The feeling that there is suddenly compromise or pain in someway... there is worry and missed calls and constant glancing into the future. Is this it? Where are we going? Should one of us move? Ughhhh.....

So again, things come down as they tend to and you are back at square one... though usually the second heartbreak is easier than the first. Maybe not easier, per se, you just now know how to deal with it and move on without the tears and excessive eating.

But see that's where it gets tricky- because now you've learned on multiple occasions that just because something is good at the start does not mean it always will be and it's a total double edged sword- you either keep your defenses so strong that you don't let anything in OR you let them down completely for a shot at that punch drunk feeling again... but you are reluctant to let yourself have that feeling because you know what it has the potential to do to you.

This is essentially a ramble. But I've been thinking about all of these things lately... and wondering if happiness comes from being 100% satisfied with life in its current state, in all its simplicity without complication? If happiness is the plateau where you know things aren't likely to go down at any moment (unless you get hit by a car or something) and it doesn't have the potential to go up, it just sort of is what it is and you have a routine and you're calm?

Hmmm.... No idea.

Sometimes I lie.

Has anyone ever lied to a complete stranger for no reason and the whole time the lie is leaving your mouth thought, "What?!" Well, I have... it all started back in college when I was bumped to first class on my way back from working in a Costa Rican orphanage for Jan Plan. I was excited to sit in the lap of luxury but was much more at home in steerage. I end up trying to convince the flight attendant that there has been a mistake but she laughs and says, "Why don't you just sit down and relax?" So I do. In my sweat pants and ponytail, having not showered for approx. 48 hours, knapsack full of sand, books, and banana chips I embarked on my journey home. Sitting next to me was a large, suit wearing gentleman who had already removed his shoes (swell). He had a lovely gold Rolex and fancy leather briefcase at his feet. I smiled and pulled out a book.

"Visting?"

Startled. "Yes, well, I have a friend named Fernando that I stayed with but I was here doing some fieldwork at a Costa Rican orphanage."

A nice "aren't you cute trying to build a resume" smile. "That's lovely... I was here on vacation."

"OH? What do you do, sir?"

"I'm the CEO of a computer software company but I try to spend as much time as possible on my yacht."

Eeee.... really, though, I want to be back with the rats in steerage right now.

"Wow, that's crazy..." I muster. "So, you've traveled a lot?"

"Oh yes, all of Europe, Asia, the US, etc... it's a great life. So are you in school? What do you study?"

Well, sir, I go to Colby College where I study Spanish and Latin American Studies because I enjoy languages, culture, and all things beautiful. I plan on graduating and single handedly saving all the children by teaching them the alphabet and fun songs that I heard on Kids Rock and perhaps showing them how to make ice cream.

"Oh, actually, I'm finishing up at Colby with a degree in International Relations and I have already been accepted to law school at Harvard where I plan to study human rights law and one day work for the UN. I've already landed a great internship with UNESCO this summer."

Lie, lie, lie.

"Young lady, good for you! Your parents must be proud!"

Ya, I bet.

What possessed me to lie that day? I guess I felt intimidated. I ended up recalling this event to my cultural anthropology class one day a few weeks later and they got a real charge out of that. I'm sure my professor thought it was fascinating.

Sure enough, Saturday night, the lying continued. I'm out at a bar and the man next to me starts talking to me. Turns out he's a doctor from Harvard, finishing up his residency. What do I say to him?

"Wow, that's so funny, I am planning on going to med school to become a pediatrician. I just wanted to work a bit first to save some money and study."

"You know, you have to take the MCATs and work very hard. It's a lot of sacrifice."

"Yes, of course I know. I always sacrifice for the children. What of it?"

Hmmm..................and the saga continues. The hard part is keeping these stories in check if and when you see the person again. AWKWARD. Suerte with that one, Mariah.

Betty Crocker- Making Wishes Come True!

Hi all,

Betty Crocker made a generous donation to Make-A-Wish and now it's up to you to vote to see what chapter has a wish granted! Please click on the link below, register, and vote for Massachusetts as many times as you can!

XOXO
Mariah


http://www.bettycrocker.com/stirringupwishes/Default.aspx

Speed Dating.

Last Thursday, I did it- I went speed dating. Correction: WE went speed dating (me, Melissa, and her friend). We signed up as a joke... I mean, why NOT go on 18 four-minute dates on a Thursday night?

When we got to the bar, we immediately worked on dressing ourselves in liquid courage. I, of course, was more thrilled that we were about to create some wild tales for ourselves to tell at a later date than to find the man of my dreams, but that's the inner writer/comedian in me. Always better to have a story!

We all sat down at different tables and as the whistle was blown, each guy and girl immediately inundated one another with generic questions like, "What do you do?" And "What is your favorite sport?" YAAAAWN. Some characters were more interesting than others... I found that I was able to put each guy into one of three categories:

1) I'm a bit wanderlust/new to town/kind of interesting and quirky and haven't really had TIME to meet people,

2) I am desperately trying to find a wife,

OR

3) I'm pretty drunk, I'm not quite sure how I got here, and hopefully I'll meet a girl with low enough standards here to take me home.


Yes. It was a real treat.

1.5 hours and four glasses of wine later, I entered my scores on my scorecard and met up with the girls. We took a minor detour ('nough said about that) and after a quick trip to the Chinese restaurant on the corner of my street, I snuggled myself under my covers with my laptop and 8 crab rangoons and entered my votes. OOOOOO......

The next day, the matches came up. All the guys I picked picked me. All the guys Melissa picked also picked her. And I'm pretty sure the same holds true for Cat. You get where I'm going with the caliber of men at this point...........everyone is picking everyone. It's glorious.

So now the emailing has begun and I'm sure that nothing very serious will come of any of this but man oh man it was a good time....for your entertainment, I will recount one conversation with Dave (I have changed his name for his privacy):

Dave: *drunkenly trips over his own foot and sits down at my table, eyes directly fixed on my chest* "I'm Dave." *Takes a swig of beer*

Me: "Dave, how nice to meet you. Tell me about what you do."

Dave: *slurring words* "Noooo, no. I hate those types of questions. Ask me something different, be WILD!"

Me: "Umm, alright then, shrimp or lobster?"

Dave: "Shrimp, there's not enough MEAT in lobster. That was dumb, ask me another one."

Me: "I'm sorry, Dave, all you've done since you sat down is insult me. But let me think, domestic or international?"

Dave:"International. Ask me another one."

Me: *I'm sorry, is this an interview?* "Ok, most embarrassing moment."

Dave: "One time, I was wearing black jeans and giving a presentation and my fly was down so my white underpants were showing." *Laughs, swigs beer*

Me: "Wow, that IS embarrassing." *Ewww, black jeans AND tighty whities? No thanks.* Whistle blows.

And that, friends, is why you TOO should try speed dating.


OHHH and side note, on Saturday night at the Prudential Center Food Court (with Tara and Michelle, mind you), a teenager with a mohawk asked me for a mirror and after I STUPIDLY told him I didn't have he said, "Oh really? Because I can see myself in your pants."

Nice. Love my life.
And the fact that the pickup line was TOTALLY lost on my little Tbone.

:)

Mariah and Melissa do Quebec.

In light of recent events, I decided two weeks ago that I was going to take myself to Quebec City for Carnaval for Valentine's Day. I have wanted to go since I was little and it seemed like an appropriate time to hit the road and have some fun! The plan ORIGINALLY was to just go by myself and hostel hop but when I told my friend Melissa, she decided to tag along... And so began our wild weekend adventure!

To be sure we didn't forget anything, we compiled a list of the random, funny events that occured throughout this unforgettable trip and we'd like to share them with you!!!


Friday 2/13-
We arrive at my house in Maine after a long week at work. There we find the entire girls' ice hockey team at SHS having a wild slumber party. We are immediately drawn back into the drama of high school as these 15 year old girls pour their hearts out about love and friends and Valentine's Day.... Melissa and I offer advice, I teach them all the illegal shoulder move and eye pecks from RAD self-defense class, and then we decide- OH GOD. We are not in high school anymore. Praise the lord... After a plethora of candy and cupcakes we hit the sack.

Saturday 2/14-
Up we go! 7 am... time to rock and roll and get this road trip, well, on the road. We scramble to get everything together, pop in the car and hit DDs for a little caffeination. And by a little I mean that Melissa and I are the last people on the planet that need any extra stimulation by virtue of caffeine and so we could hardly sit still. Off we rode through the gorgeous backways of Maine, admiring mountains and snow and the lack of people to be found. We also managed to sing for 6 hours straight- this is what happens when you put two a cappella chicks in a car together. It was fabulous.
When we got to the border we were ecstatic... especially because the Border Patrol Agent was a super attractive French-Canadian man who I almost asked to tag along. But I kept it in check and we forged on through Canada.
We get to our hotel and luckily we have a room- we are convinced at this point that there will not be one after our many attempts at trying to find rooms and hostels throughout the whole last week. But there is room in the inn, thank God, so we drop our bags and drive to the Ferry.
FREEZE- we get out of the car, cannot figure out where to pay, no one speaks English. Shame on me for quitting French after 2 years. We finally find the parking attendant and then as we are walking across the slippery ice, Melissa turns around, yells "ten cuidado" and PROMPTLY falls flat on her ass. A fabulous moment. More for a bystander than her, I'm sure....
We get on the ferry and wonder why everyone is dressed in snow pants- are they ALL going skiing? Oh no, later we will learn that it's just FREEZING out and the benches are MADE of ice. Oh OK. We are convinced the boat is moving for a good ten minutes until we realize nothing in the horizon has moved and the ice chunks and water are simply wizzing by the boat. Nice.

When we get to Quebec City, we cannot believe how gorgeous everything looks. It's like a winter wonderland and is totally breathtaking. We follow the packs of people hoping they will lead us to Carnaval, but we end up getting a little sidetracked by some adorable shops and a candy store- obvs. We finally make our way to the top of the hill by the Chateau Frontenac and feel as though we might actually be in the right place at this point. Then, all of a sudden, we notice Les Glissades- the WILD ICE LUGE.

Well, clearly we have to ride.
We buy our tickets, make some friends with a French-speaking couple behind us and the four of us plummet this enormous icy run on a toboggan. I have never screamed so loud. It was amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As we make our way further into the city, we notice an outdoor bar where the bar, tables and benches are all carved out of ICE!!!!!!!! We order up some beer and get warm by a fire while this insane jig music plays. Suddenly, two guys from France come over to chat. They do their best to speak English as I throw out 1-2 French words every few minutes hoping to contribute to the efforts. The guys say, "Where are your boyfriends on Valentine's Day?"
My response?

"Oh, no no, we're here together."
The guys say "Ohh, together?"
I nod, Melissa shakes her head. They look confused.
I do a doubletake and realize why everyone is confused.
"OH nooo, I mean, not together together, just here without boys."
"Mmmhmmm..."

Then (in sequential order of what I THOUGHT was being asked):
"Where is your American Mama?"
"My American Mama?"
"No, Babaar."
"OHHHHH, Babaar, yes I love that elephant, I know him."

Men look confused.

Melissa shakes her head and replies, "Well, we didn't like the last one so anyone will be better!"

I turn to Melissa- "Are we talking about guys now? I'm confused."
"Obama, Mariah. They're asking about Obama."

Mortified.
The guys leave. We finish our beers and forge on to the next adventure-- THE ICE CASTLE! Literally, a castle made of ice. We wait in line and eventually walk into this gorgeous construction which is filled inside with sculptures and a mini replica of Quebec City from back in the day. We snap a few photos and then move on to find some food.

Of course we've forgotten at this point that it's Valentine's Day and everyone in the world is out to dinner. Sooooo instead of the fancy dinner and wine we had promised ourselves, we wind up at a pub with a pitcher of beer and nachos. A two hour heart to heart ensues and as we are about to leave, the bartender breaks a glass which shatters in our glasses and on our plates. Annnnd a new pitcher of beer appears. OH BROTHER. Clearly we have to sit and finish :)

As we are finishing, two guys from Texas approach us and the first things out of their mouths is "Oh thank GOD, Americans."
GRUMBLE. NOOOOO.
We politely ask them how their trip has been and they answer with the following statements- "it's cold!" "I hate French!" "This Carnaval is kind of weird and lame" and "Aren't the people here just so cute?" We knew things were extra shady when we started talking about the election and as Melissa and I gushed about Obama they rolled their eyes and said "Ummm, we're from Texas. You know."
AWESOME. How to shake these Debbie Downers?????
We go over to the window to watch the parade, which we thing is tremendously cool. The boys, of course, do not. "Those floats are kind of dumb." Sweet. Then they start talking about a freezing cold outdoor bar across the street which they "hated" (shocker, right?) and so we decided to tell them that's where we were headed (in hopes of losing them).
They followed.
And so did the complaints. Finally, Melissa and I looked at them and said, "Oh hey, bathroom break." And then we tucked and rolled. SO DONE WITH WHINY, IMMATURE CHILDREN. Suck it up! You are here for Carnaval!!!!!!
We head down the road and find a wild outdoor dance party at the Ice Castle. People are jumping around in their snowpants with mugs of beer and lights are flashing all over the place. We dance and dance and make friends (especially Melissa who had a drunk man grab her hand, smile and then almost fall on his face).

At the end of the night, we followed a group of fun-looking twenty-somethings but realized as we hit the bottom of the hill they were going to a hotel. BLAH. Up the hill we went again.
Suddenly, some girl comes flying out in front of us screaming in French, throwing her hands around wildly. We shake our heads and say we don't speak French and she starts babbling in English about how we need to go to the disco across the street. So we do, because why not??? The music inside is so loud our hearts are pounding in our ears and I am totally back in Argentina in my mind. The strobes light flash and we dance dance dance... also? Guys in Quebec are the opposite of skeezy on the dance floor. SOOO REFRESHING. After a final round of "Oh hot damn, this is my jam" we realize it's 1 am and we need to find the ferry. So we traipse through the streets of Quebec laughing and singing until we do.

People on the ferry are not looking so good- never put drunks on a boat. We sit outside and pretend we're on the Titanic as tired, sarcastic Mariah becames ever more witty and comical. When we get off the ferry and back to the hotel, we hop into our comfy beds and watch TLC- duh.

Sunday 2/15-
Sadly, time to go. After a bit of a debaucle at the gas station (too bad I can't read French and have no idea what to do), we get on the road and drive back towards home. On the way we get pulled over. No, I didn't get pulled over after running four red lights by accident that weekend (literally), I get pulled over going the speed limit on a back road in Jackman.
License and registration? Expired. Crap. Luckily, he let's me off and we make our way home with more singing (voices now totes raspy).

We get home to Maine, have dinner with my rents, and chat with Tara and her little friends for a bit, attempting to guide them through high school drama, again thanking God we are no longer in involved. Then we drive back to Massachusetts.

AHHHH, an incredible time. Best Valentine's Day, hands down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

XOXO Loves.

Random Memory

It's been a day... hell, it's been a week. But suddenly I am thinking back to a night this summer that was really wonderful. I was sitting inside with my sisters- I think Kristen was leaving for NY or school or SOMETHING the next day.... and we were just laughing and talking and packing. And all of a sudden I had this really strong desire to run out into the pouring rain... I have this strong desire whenever it rains mostly because I love how pouring rain sort of covers you like a blanket and makes it hard to see and all you can do is close your eyes and feel it run down your face.

So I ran outside barefoot and started spinning in circles and cartwheeling through the grass... I was laughing and laughing and throwing my head back to look at the stars. When I finally went back in the house I was deliriously happy. Kristen and Tara just sort of stared at me like I was nuts, then without a sound we all went running out the door together. We spun around in barefeet in the middle of the street, leapt ballerina style (a bit failed at that point) and started running and singing at the top of our lungs. I don't think the three of us had laughed that hard for that long in a good, long time. When we came inside we wrapped ourselves in towels and threw ourselves on our mom and dad's bed. They thought we were insane. We are insane. But you know what? That was a good day and it just brought a huge smile to my face.

On Saturday night I babysat for two little girls that I absolutely adore. Honestly, I aspire to have children exactly like them someday. Here are a few of the reasons why:

1) When asked what Disney princess was her favorite, the four year old said : "Sleeping Beauty. But Mommy doesn't like the princesses. She says they're weak and need men to help them. That's why, even though I'm a princess, I also play basketball and tennis and do things for myself."

2) They were enthusiastic about having me teach them "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" in Spanish.

3) When asked what she wanted for her upcoming birthday, one said "Something special and homemade. I don't want people to have to spend money on me. I have enough things."

UMMM.
More mature than most 23 year olds I know, perhaps? Yes. So. In. Love. I cannot WAIT to raise my own children into fabulous, concerned little citizens.

But then I thought, hmmm..... interesting. Telling me they were not "weak" princesses while dressed up in sparkly beads and playing house and baby doll. Women are sent so many mixed messages that I almost don't even know where to begin. I can't tell you how many times I've been told to "Stand my ground," "Be more aggressive," and "Be independent," only to hear, "Men are intimidated by self-sufficient, strong women" and "You need to let them at least THINK they are helping you in some way, so even if you know how to change your tire, just let them do it."

Ok.....
Does anyone see a conflict of interest here? Because I do.

I found myself at Borders today in the self-help section in between books on "How to Keep Your Man Happy" and "How to Say No and Assert Yourself." I didn't MEAN to be in this section, mind you, I was looking for the book "The Purpose Driven Life" and was led astray. So, I succumbed to the pressure and glanced at both books just for kicks. They ended up sending me polar opposite messages. Completely frustrated, I walked over to the other side and looked at books on the Dalai Lama and Buddhism. In contrast to the first set of books, the books on Buddhism stressed the importance of putting others before oneself, being peaceful, meditating over fighting, and understanding your greater purpose in life instead of always focusing on YOUR goals and YOUR happiness and YOUR success.

My brain started to hurt.

I decided to cut my losses and go to the movies. There, I saw a preview for the movie, "He's Just Not That Into You." While the preview made me laugh (mostly because every woman will be able to relate somehow), it also made me cringe. The opening scene is a little girl on the playground who has a boy push her down and tell her she smells. Crying, she runs over to her mother and asks why the little boy did that. The mother says, "Ohh sweetie, it's because he LIKES you." Then the girl just looks confused.

NO KIDDING! OF COURSE SHE'S CONFUSED! I'm confused and I've been on this blessed planet for 23 years! Do I yell and scream and throw a squash at your head when you piss me off? Or do I sit in my room with a glass of wine, meditate, and write in my journal? Do I let you change my tire for me even though I know how to do it myself or do I whip out my spare? Is it OK for me to be loving and caring and try to help you and support you when you seem to need it or is that immasculating and unattractive? Should I be aggreeable and sweet? Or bitchy and sassy? A little of both? But what ratio if so? 50-50? 60-40?

Or should I just be ME? Because at this point, as much as I would like to be me and am TRYING to be me, sometimes I feel like everyone thinks they know who I am more than I know myself. Welllll... I tend to disagree. Because I am with me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year... and I think I have a relatively decent grasp on who I am. At this point it's safe to say that I am strong and independent but also vulnerable and trusting. I don't love quickly, but when I do, I love deeply and unconditionally (whether or not that is always the right way to go). I hate conflict but refuse to be walked on. And when I don't yell or pitch a fit, it's not actually because I'm weak or passive, it's because I have an incredible ability to see a situation from 90 different angles and perspectives which is helpful yet entirely frustrating and exhausting because I am able to justify everything in my life anyway that I want. And sometimes instead of letting my thoughts go through a million filters first to allow me to me a logical decision or come up with a rational reaction, I should just let myself react. But that's not me.

I choose to be happy. I choose to be positive and to give people the benefit of the doubt. I tend to believe that the majority of the population is innately good and filled with potential, whether tapped into or not. I love life and am happy to wake up in the morning full of energy and drive. I do not expend my energy on situations, people or things that I do not feel are worth my time. It does not mean I don't care or have not taken notice, it simply means I have seen enough, heard enough, and been part of enough in my life to know what matters and what doesn't. Dying children and poverty?? They matter. Not agreeing on what color to paint the living room? Insignificant. I feel that if people spent as much energy on giving back and being good as they do on bickering and being stubborn and proving their point, the world would be a much better place.

Until then, I will continue to hold strong to my opinions and ideals while accepting the fact that others' may differ. I will maintain my faith in people and their ability to grow, mature, and do good in the world and stay patient and loving. Mother Theresa once said, "I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. " She also said, "Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier. " I choose to follow those words of wisdom. Read that as you will. I will apply that to my relationships, to my job, to my life.

Love, love, love. Pure and simple. You cannot possibly go wrong if you show the world happiness, love, and peace. That is ultimate strength.

So, ladies? Mixed messages aside... be true to yourself. Listen to your own voice because you DO know yourself better than anyone else. Be open enough to listen to what others have to say but strong enough at the end of the day to distinguish your inner voice from theirs. If you figure out a failproof system for doing that, let me know. :)

Elections and hope and change

Tomorrow Barack Obama will be inaugurated. We will have a Democrat in the White House- a Democrat who not too long ago would not have been able to run. That is incredible to me.
I won't lie... I started off loving Hill... say what you will, I saw a strong woman with a great love for children and health care. A woman who, straight out of law school, received an offer to make good money at a top firm and opted to work for the Children's Defense Fund instead. When she was taken out of the running, I wasn't sure how I felt and now I am pleased to say, I am quite thrilled with the decision our country has made.
Politics, economics, and international relations aside, this man represents change and hope and has sparked a fire within people enough to help them see beyond the current state of the U.S. and the world and towards the future and how things CAN be. That is real progress. We know things will be messy for this man and we know not everything will be perfect in the world after 1 term, but the fact alone that people have put so much faith in him and what he will help US to do is amazing. I say us because that is who needs to fix the state of this country. The people. We must all commit to hard work and a greater love for humanity. We can no longer afford complacency, laziness, and selfishness. Now, more than ever, we need to look out for one another and work towards the greater good. We are setting the stage for the world our children will grow up in and that is a huge honor and undertaking.

Happy MLK day and may we all have hope for a better tomorrow.

To my Brain

Dear Brain,

I want to start off the day by letting you know that I really DO love you. I love that you function at a moderately sophisticated level that allows me to converse with people, filter out stupidity, and occasionally score points while watching Jeopardy. I also love that you convinced me that academics and studying were cool as a child which may or may not have affected my chances at becoming prom queen and/or my chances at dressing appropriately so that years later I would not open my yearbook and wonder who that "sweet little boy" was in the pictures. Brain, if you could've just sent me a signal when I took that razor to my eyebrows in 7th grade, preferably one that said, "STOP IMMEDIATELY," I would've really appreciated it. But no hard feelings.

And now I want to take a moment to scold you. Because you see, you tick too much and not in a good way. Once it's past 11 pm, your job is to stop and let me sleep. As much as I'd love to spend each and every night contemplating the trials and tribulations of my life and the world, it makes me tired the next day and HOW am I supposed to function as a fairy godmother when I'm fuzzy and sleepy? Plus, you don't have people calling you in Spanish 97 times a day. Conjugating verbs is tricky sans sleep and caffeine.

I also want to let you know that you don't always need to line up 48 pros and cons to every situation whenever a thought crosses my mind. For example, if someone says "Where do you want to go for dinner?" the following thoughts should not go through my mind:

Well, I would really like Italian food because pasta is delicious.
No, pasta can be messy, let's stick with Mexican because I love nachos.
But nachos make me crunch and mouth noises make me nervous.
True, but I am Latina at heart.
Focus.
I mean, I don't really care, I'm laid back and eat everything.
But I should care because me saying I don't care is a sign of disinterest and makes me seem weak and like I can't think for myself.
On the other hand, I surely don't want to come across as opinionated or pick the wrong restaurant because I KNOW I can go with the flow if I don't like something but I have zero faith in the rest of the world to do so.
And why is that? Why don't I have more faith in people? Why can't I rely on them to make fair, educated decisions and go with the flow too?

"Mariah?"

Shit, what was the question?

"Ummm, I don't care. You pick."

Ughhhhhh...............................


See, brain, that scenario should never play out. That entire thought process should've ended with, "I'd like Italian." But I love you, brain, I do, because I know that someday that logical/deductive reasoning might let me finish law school (unlike that last time when I dropped out).
Brain, today I want you to act on instinct. I want you to stop processing at lightening speed and start having fun. Talk to people, do not overanalyze what you say and what they say, life is too short.

That is my request. And also? No more wild dreams about having a runny nose that will not stop. That's gross. And frustrating.

Love, Mariah XO

New Years Resolutions

In light of the fact that it's now 2009, I feel it is more than appropriate to discuss the age old question: "What is your resolution this year?"

Essentially a resolution is something we want to change, right? Or something we really want to stick with for once... I'm pretty sure that from age 14-22 I resolved to lose 40 pounds by February. Always good to set realistic goals. Not this year- we are DONE with that. But before we talk about resolutions, I would like to mention that I almost didn't MAKE it to the New Year, thanks to the good ol Northeast and it's ability to snow like a mofo. I, of course, am from Maine and therefore always decide that I have some sort of an upper hand against Mother Nature. I'm like a rebellious teenager.
"Dear Mother Nature,
Screw you and your crazy snow. Sure, you just laid 2 feet of it on the ground. Yes, my windshield wipers suck. No, I don't enjoy black ice. But here I am, in my car, driving to New Hampshire. Ya, kiss it.
Love, Mariah"
ANNNNNNNND Then I spin out on 293, drive straight across three lanes of traffic while trying (and failing) to overcorrect and land in a ditch on the side of the road. That's like Mother Nature's sick way of grounding me for sneaking out.
But, I remained very calm. For those of you who know me, that might seem like a huge lie. Actually, though, I decided there was no sense in freaking out. So I MacGyvered my way out by slowly going into drive then reverse over and over and over again and then punching it out back onto the road. I mean really, that's all I kept saying in my head: "What would MacGyver do?" I might get a WWMD bracelet now.

RESOLUTION 1? Lose my Maine ego. Also, get new windshield wipers. Be kinder to Mother Nature. Maybe perform some ritual with pine cones every night where I do an interpretive dance around a ring of them on my floor.

And now that we have resolution 1 out there, we may as well keep rolling....

RESOLUTION 2: Work on the Totes.Awk Production company and its first Totes.Awes CD. F'in Magee, you and I have both sold our souls to the non-profit world so the sooner we hammer out a one hit wonder, the sooner we get to be selective about the wine at restaurants. We won't actually have to say, "Umm, you know, whatever's cheapest."

RESOLUTION 3: Eat more chocolate. It releases incredible endorphins and endorphins make us happy. Who doesn't want to be happy? I embraced this resolution seriously on Sunday night where over the course of 24 hours I ate an entire box of Oreos. Then from Monday to yesterday when I ate an entire bag of Hershey kisses. Mmmm....

RESOLUTION 4: Meditate more and read more Buddhist philosophy. It makes my heart happy and can really put things in perspective during the wildest of times.

RESOLUTION 5: Stop holding back. Release passion to the wind with all people at all time... if I want to dance? Dance. Sing? Sing. Hug and kiss and laugh? Hug and kiss and laugh. Yell and get mad? Yell and get mad. No more trying to come off as the sweet, agreeable one. Sweet and agreeable is BORING. No, this does not mean I am going to fly off the handle and start jumping people or throwing things. But it does mean that when I have a strong opinion, I'm going to express it and when I love, I am going to let people know. And oh- if there is actually a restaurant I want to go to or a movie I want to see? No more, "Whatever you want to do is fine." We are changing things up this year. We are giving more depth to our character- the depth that is already there but needs to be released.

RESOLUTION 6: Listen to my heart instead of everone else's opinion. There is a reason why we all live in different bodies. We all have different minds, different needs, different wants. The only person who you truly need to level with at the end of every day is yourself. So do what is right for you. If you make a mistake along the way? So be it. Mistakes give us personality and a better understanding of ourselves. And sometimes really funny stories to tell after the fact.

RESOLUTION 7: Learn how to pop lock and drop it.

RESOLUTION 8: Save more money so I can a) buy bridesmaids dresses for this summer and b) maybe go on an awesome trip someday. LIKE the World Cup in 2014.

RESOLUTION 9: Embrace imperfection, mine and everyone else's. Stop feeling entitled to a life without flaw. It is flawed. It always has been, it always will be.

RESOLUTION 10: And this is the final one for now.............wake up every morning with the knowledge that today is a new day and you can choose to be happy or sad. Then get out of bed, put on a smile, and rock the world.


Happy 2009!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

XOXO