Speed Dating.

Last Thursday, I did it- I went speed dating. Correction: WE went speed dating (me, Melissa, and her friend). We signed up as a joke... I mean, why NOT go on 18 four-minute dates on a Thursday night?

When we got to the bar, we immediately worked on dressing ourselves in liquid courage. I, of course, was more thrilled that we were about to create some wild tales for ourselves to tell at a later date than to find the man of my dreams, but that's the inner writer/comedian in me. Always better to have a story!

We all sat down at different tables and as the whistle was blown, each guy and girl immediately inundated one another with generic questions like, "What do you do?" And "What is your favorite sport?" YAAAAWN. Some characters were more interesting than others... I found that I was able to put each guy into one of three categories:

1) I'm a bit wanderlust/new to town/kind of interesting and quirky and haven't really had TIME to meet people,

2) I am desperately trying to find a wife,

OR

3) I'm pretty drunk, I'm not quite sure how I got here, and hopefully I'll meet a girl with low enough standards here to take me home.


Yes. It was a real treat.

1.5 hours and four glasses of wine later, I entered my scores on my scorecard and met up with the girls. We took a minor detour ('nough said about that) and after a quick trip to the Chinese restaurant on the corner of my street, I snuggled myself under my covers with my laptop and 8 crab rangoons and entered my votes. OOOOOO......

The next day, the matches came up. All the guys I picked picked me. All the guys Melissa picked also picked her. And I'm pretty sure the same holds true for Cat. You get where I'm going with the caliber of men at this point...........everyone is picking everyone. It's glorious.

So now the emailing has begun and I'm sure that nothing very serious will come of any of this but man oh man it was a good time....for your entertainment, I will recount one conversation with Dave (I have changed his name for his privacy):

Dave: *drunkenly trips over his own foot and sits down at my table, eyes directly fixed on my chest* "I'm Dave." *Takes a swig of beer*

Me: "Dave, how nice to meet you. Tell me about what you do."

Dave: *slurring words* "Noooo, no. I hate those types of questions. Ask me something different, be WILD!"

Me: "Umm, alright then, shrimp or lobster?"

Dave: "Shrimp, there's not enough MEAT in lobster. That was dumb, ask me another one."

Me: "I'm sorry, Dave, all you've done since you sat down is insult me. But let me think, domestic or international?"

Dave:"International. Ask me another one."

Me: *I'm sorry, is this an interview?* "Ok, most embarrassing moment."

Dave: "One time, I was wearing black jeans and giving a presentation and my fly was down so my white underpants were showing." *Laughs, swigs beer*

Me: "Wow, that IS embarrassing." *Ewww, black jeans AND tighty whities? No thanks.* Whistle blows.

And that, friends, is why you TOO should try speed dating.


OHHH and side note, on Saturday night at the Prudential Center Food Court (with Tara and Michelle, mind you), a teenager with a mohawk asked me for a mirror and after I STUPIDLY told him I didn't have he said, "Oh really? Because I can see myself in your pants."

Nice. Love my life.
And the fact that the pickup line was TOTALLY lost on my little Tbone.

:)

Mariah and Melissa do Quebec.

In light of recent events, I decided two weeks ago that I was going to take myself to Quebec City for Carnaval for Valentine's Day. I have wanted to go since I was little and it seemed like an appropriate time to hit the road and have some fun! The plan ORIGINALLY was to just go by myself and hostel hop but when I told my friend Melissa, she decided to tag along... And so began our wild weekend adventure!

To be sure we didn't forget anything, we compiled a list of the random, funny events that occured throughout this unforgettable trip and we'd like to share them with you!!!


Friday 2/13-
We arrive at my house in Maine after a long week at work. There we find the entire girls' ice hockey team at SHS having a wild slumber party. We are immediately drawn back into the drama of high school as these 15 year old girls pour their hearts out about love and friends and Valentine's Day.... Melissa and I offer advice, I teach them all the illegal shoulder move and eye pecks from RAD self-defense class, and then we decide- OH GOD. We are not in high school anymore. Praise the lord... After a plethora of candy and cupcakes we hit the sack.

Saturday 2/14-
Up we go! 7 am... time to rock and roll and get this road trip, well, on the road. We scramble to get everything together, pop in the car and hit DDs for a little caffeination. And by a little I mean that Melissa and I are the last people on the planet that need any extra stimulation by virtue of caffeine and so we could hardly sit still. Off we rode through the gorgeous backways of Maine, admiring mountains and snow and the lack of people to be found. We also managed to sing for 6 hours straight- this is what happens when you put two a cappella chicks in a car together. It was fabulous.
When we got to the border we were ecstatic... especially because the Border Patrol Agent was a super attractive French-Canadian man who I almost asked to tag along. But I kept it in check and we forged on through Canada.
We get to our hotel and luckily we have a room- we are convinced at this point that there will not be one after our many attempts at trying to find rooms and hostels throughout the whole last week. But there is room in the inn, thank God, so we drop our bags and drive to the Ferry.
FREEZE- we get out of the car, cannot figure out where to pay, no one speaks English. Shame on me for quitting French after 2 years. We finally find the parking attendant and then as we are walking across the slippery ice, Melissa turns around, yells "ten cuidado" and PROMPTLY falls flat on her ass. A fabulous moment. More for a bystander than her, I'm sure....
We get on the ferry and wonder why everyone is dressed in snow pants- are they ALL going skiing? Oh no, later we will learn that it's just FREEZING out and the benches are MADE of ice. Oh OK. We are convinced the boat is moving for a good ten minutes until we realize nothing in the horizon has moved and the ice chunks and water are simply wizzing by the boat. Nice.

When we get to Quebec City, we cannot believe how gorgeous everything looks. It's like a winter wonderland and is totally breathtaking. We follow the packs of people hoping they will lead us to Carnaval, but we end up getting a little sidetracked by some adorable shops and a candy store- obvs. We finally make our way to the top of the hill by the Chateau Frontenac and feel as though we might actually be in the right place at this point. Then, all of a sudden, we notice Les Glissades- the WILD ICE LUGE.

Well, clearly we have to ride.
We buy our tickets, make some friends with a French-speaking couple behind us and the four of us plummet this enormous icy run on a toboggan. I have never screamed so loud. It was amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As we make our way further into the city, we notice an outdoor bar where the bar, tables and benches are all carved out of ICE!!!!!!!! We order up some beer and get warm by a fire while this insane jig music plays. Suddenly, two guys from France come over to chat. They do their best to speak English as I throw out 1-2 French words every few minutes hoping to contribute to the efforts. The guys say, "Where are your boyfriends on Valentine's Day?"
My response?

"Oh, no no, we're here together."
The guys say "Ohh, together?"
I nod, Melissa shakes her head. They look confused.
I do a doubletake and realize why everyone is confused.
"OH nooo, I mean, not together together, just here without boys."
"Mmmhmmm..."

Then (in sequential order of what I THOUGHT was being asked):
"Where is your American Mama?"
"My American Mama?"
"No, Babaar."
"OHHHHH, Babaar, yes I love that elephant, I know him."

Men look confused.

Melissa shakes her head and replies, "Well, we didn't like the last one so anyone will be better!"

I turn to Melissa- "Are we talking about guys now? I'm confused."
"Obama, Mariah. They're asking about Obama."

Mortified.
The guys leave. We finish our beers and forge on to the next adventure-- THE ICE CASTLE! Literally, a castle made of ice. We wait in line and eventually walk into this gorgeous construction which is filled inside with sculptures and a mini replica of Quebec City from back in the day. We snap a few photos and then move on to find some food.

Of course we've forgotten at this point that it's Valentine's Day and everyone in the world is out to dinner. Sooooo instead of the fancy dinner and wine we had promised ourselves, we wind up at a pub with a pitcher of beer and nachos. A two hour heart to heart ensues and as we are about to leave, the bartender breaks a glass which shatters in our glasses and on our plates. Annnnd a new pitcher of beer appears. OH BROTHER. Clearly we have to sit and finish :)

As we are finishing, two guys from Texas approach us and the first things out of their mouths is "Oh thank GOD, Americans."
GRUMBLE. NOOOOO.
We politely ask them how their trip has been and they answer with the following statements- "it's cold!" "I hate French!" "This Carnaval is kind of weird and lame" and "Aren't the people here just so cute?" We knew things were extra shady when we started talking about the election and as Melissa and I gushed about Obama they rolled their eyes and said "Ummm, we're from Texas. You know."
AWESOME. How to shake these Debbie Downers?????
We go over to the window to watch the parade, which we thing is tremendously cool. The boys, of course, do not. "Those floats are kind of dumb." Sweet. Then they start talking about a freezing cold outdoor bar across the street which they "hated" (shocker, right?) and so we decided to tell them that's where we were headed (in hopes of losing them).
They followed.
And so did the complaints. Finally, Melissa and I looked at them and said, "Oh hey, bathroom break." And then we tucked and rolled. SO DONE WITH WHINY, IMMATURE CHILDREN. Suck it up! You are here for Carnaval!!!!!!
We head down the road and find a wild outdoor dance party at the Ice Castle. People are jumping around in their snowpants with mugs of beer and lights are flashing all over the place. We dance and dance and make friends (especially Melissa who had a drunk man grab her hand, smile and then almost fall on his face).

At the end of the night, we followed a group of fun-looking twenty-somethings but realized as we hit the bottom of the hill they were going to a hotel. BLAH. Up the hill we went again.
Suddenly, some girl comes flying out in front of us screaming in French, throwing her hands around wildly. We shake our heads and say we don't speak French and she starts babbling in English about how we need to go to the disco across the street. So we do, because why not??? The music inside is so loud our hearts are pounding in our ears and I am totally back in Argentina in my mind. The strobes light flash and we dance dance dance... also? Guys in Quebec are the opposite of skeezy on the dance floor. SOOO REFRESHING. After a final round of "Oh hot damn, this is my jam" we realize it's 1 am and we need to find the ferry. So we traipse through the streets of Quebec laughing and singing until we do.

People on the ferry are not looking so good- never put drunks on a boat. We sit outside and pretend we're on the Titanic as tired, sarcastic Mariah becames ever more witty and comical. When we get off the ferry and back to the hotel, we hop into our comfy beds and watch TLC- duh.

Sunday 2/15-
Sadly, time to go. After a bit of a debaucle at the gas station (too bad I can't read French and have no idea what to do), we get on the road and drive back towards home. On the way we get pulled over. No, I didn't get pulled over after running four red lights by accident that weekend (literally), I get pulled over going the speed limit on a back road in Jackman.
License and registration? Expired. Crap. Luckily, he let's me off and we make our way home with more singing (voices now totes raspy).

We get home to Maine, have dinner with my rents, and chat with Tara and her little friends for a bit, attempting to guide them through high school drama, again thanking God we are no longer in involved. Then we drive back to Massachusetts.

AHHHH, an incredible time. Best Valentine's Day, hands down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

XOXO Loves.

Random Memory

It's been a day... hell, it's been a week. But suddenly I am thinking back to a night this summer that was really wonderful. I was sitting inside with my sisters- I think Kristen was leaving for NY or school or SOMETHING the next day.... and we were just laughing and talking and packing. And all of a sudden I had this really strong desire to run out into the pouring rain... I have this strong desire whenever it rains mostly because I love how pouring rain sort of covers you like a blanket and makes it hard to see and all you can do is close your eyes and feel it run down your face.

So I ran outside barefoot and started spinning in circles and cartwheeling through the grass... I was laughing and laughing and throwing my head back to look at the stars. When I finally went back in the house I was deliriously happy. Kristen and Tara just sort of stared at me like I was nuts, then without a sound we all went running out the door together. We spun around in barefeet in the middle of the street, leapt ballerina style (a bit failed at that point) and started running and singing at the top of our lungs. I don't think the three of us had laughed that hard for that long in a good, long time. When we came inside we wrapped ourselves in towels and threw ourselves on our mom and dad's bed. They thought we were insane. We are insane. But you know what? That was a good day and it just brought a huge smile to my face.