The Chair Break

To everyone out there who has ever been publicly humiliated by virtue of the chair/bench break, this one's for you............
It all started my senior year in high school (though I doubt it was truly the first incident). I was in Costa Rica on an exchange trip that fell over Easter. That Sunday, I went to church with my dear friend Christie and our respective host families. Throughout the mass, I kept peering down at the kneeler in front of me thinking it didn't look NEARLY as sturdy as the ones back home. Fat Americans, I thought. We need big kneelers. But there had been no kneeling yet, so I was feeling good about things. And then it happened. During a moment of silence, the priest asked for us to all get on our knees and bow our heads. Like the obliging Catholics that we are, we dropped to our knees and lowered our heads... and the bench split in two, Titanic style. The priest stopped speaking and everyone turned to stare. Christie and I kept our heads down and quietly shook from silent laughter. Tears streaming down my cheeks, I counted the minutes til mass was over and we could escape humiliation.
But there was no escape. Word spread like wildfire throughout the tiny town of Esparza and when Rafael, my suave latino-lover wannabe saw me later that day, his first words to me were, "Hey there, Hulk."
Excellent.
Fast forward to Senior year in college. I go to dinner at my boss's house... she has invited one of my fellow classmates/co-workers along as she knows that I am hopelessly in love with him. I try my hardest to play it cool as I put on my witty act. When it's time for dinner, we all gather around the table and sit. Again, before sitting I looked at the chair and noticed one of the legs looked a little funny. But I'm not one to be rude. So I sat down, lover boy directly across from me. I'm laughing and in the middle of a wild story, arms flailing, when the chair legs go out from under and I fall flat on my ass. I could've died. I laughed it off while my boss stared at me HORRIFIED. Said love interest laughed and asked if I was OK... I cracked a joke about the "senior fifteen", trying to tone my red, mortified cheeks down, and said I would prefer to stand for the rest of dinner. Needless to say, no date came from the evening... gee, I wonder why.
So for all of you out there who've experienced this, I feel your pain.
More to come.......

Vintage Jewelry and Astrology

This morning I had another one of those random stranger experiences that I love so very much. Walking to work from the T, Ipod turned on, I felt a little tap on my shoulder. I took out my earplugs and turned to see a tiny elderly man standing beside me. “How do I get to New Chardon St.?” He asked.

I started to give him directions and then realized I could just walk him there myself since it’s right next to my building. “Come with me, I’ll show you,” I said.

This little old man smiled at me and said, “I just love your beautiful red jewelry. You belong at a Chinese wedding.”

“Oh yes, I love red… I’ve decided to be more bold!”

He laughed. “You know, I have a beautiful beaded necklace you would love…and you’d also love the vintage jewelry of the 40s.”

“Yup, vintage is the best. I am a huge fan!”

We crossed the street and I wished him a nice day.

“You too,” he smiled back. Then he stopped, looked at me and said, “Are you a Gemini?”

I was a little stunned, I won’t lie. “Actually, I am, how’d you know?”He winked and started walking. “I’m on today,” was his response.

I was convinced at that point that he was Jesus. Or that magical fairy from Beauty and the Beast. I’m almost always convinced that when dealing with a total stranger, if I’m rude I will suddenly grow fur and claws and be condemned to a tower for the rest of my life. But hopefully this little incident just fed my good karma.
It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood…