To everyone out there who has ever been publicly humiliated by virtue of the chair/bench break, this one's for you............
It all started my senior year in high school (though I doubt it was truly the first incident). I was in Costa Rica on an exchange trip that fell over Easter. That Sunday, I went to church with my dear friend Christie and our respective host families. Throughout the mass, I kept peering down at the kneeler in front of me thinking it didn't look NEARLY as sturdy as the ones back home. Fat Americans, I thought. We need big kneelers. But there had been no kneeling yet, so I was feeling good about things. And then it happened. During a moment of silence, the priest asked for us to all get on our knees and bow our heads. Like the obliging Catholics that we are, we dropped to our knees and lowered our heads... and the bench split in two, Titanic style. The priest stopped speaking and everyone turned to stare. Christie and I kept our heads down and quietly shook from silent laughter. Tears streaming down my cheeks, I counted the minutes til mass was over and we could escape humiliation.
But there was no escape. Word spread like wildfire throughout the tiny town of Esparza and when Rafael, my suave latino-lover wannabe saw me later that day, his first words to me were, "Hey there, Hulk."
Excellent.
Fast forward to Senior year in college. I go to dinner at my boss's house... she has invited one of my fellow classmates/co-workers along as she knows that I am hopelessly in love with him. I try my hardest to play it cool as I put on my witty act. When it's time for dinner, we all gather around the table and sit. Again, before sitting I looked at the chair and noticed one of the legs looked a little funny. But I'm not one to be rude. So I sat down, lover boy directly across from me. I'm laughing and in the middle of a wild story, arms flailing, when the chair legs go out from under and I fall flat on my ass. I could've died. I laughed it off while my boss stared at me HORRIFIED. Said love interest laughed and asked if I was OK... I cracked a joke about the "senior fifteen", trying to tone my red, mortified cheeks down, and said I would prefer to stand for the rest of dinner. Needless to say, no date came from the evening... gee, I wonder why.
So for all of you out there who've experienced this, I feel your pain.
More to come.......
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Vintage Jewelry and Astrology
This morning I had another one of those random stranger experiences that I love so very much. Walking to work from the T, Ipod turned on, I felt a little tap on my shoulder. I took out my earplugs and turned to see a tiny elderly man standing beside me. “How do I get to New Chardon St.?” He asked.
I started to give him directions and then realized I could just walk him there myself since it’s right next to my building. “Come with me, I’ll show you,” I said.
This little old man smiled at me and said, “I just love your beautiful red jewelry. You belong at a Chinese wedding.”
“Oh yes, I love red… I’ve decided to be more bold!”
He laughed. “You know, I have a beautiful beaded necklace you would love…and you’d also love the vintage jewelry of the 40s.”
“Yup, vintage is the best. I am a huge fan!”
We crossed the street and I wished him a nice day.
“You too,” he smiled back. Then he stopped, looked at me and said, “Are you a Gemini?”
I was a little stunned, I won’t lie. “Actually, I am, how’d you know?”He winked and started walking. “I’m on today,” was his response.
I was convinced at that point that he was Jesus. Or that magical fairy from Beauty and the Beast. I’m almost always convinced that when dealing with a total stranger, if I’m rude I will suddenly grow fur and claws and be condemned to a tower for the rest of my life. But hopefully this little incident just fed my good karma.
It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood…
I started to give him directions and then realized I could just walk him there myself since it’s right next to my building. “Come with me, I’ll show you,” I said.
This little old man smiled at me and said, “I just love your beautiful red jewelry. You belong at a Chinese wedding.”
“Oh yes, I love red… I’ve decided to be more bold!”
He laughed. “You know, I have a beautiful beaded necklace you would love…and you’d also love the vintage jewelry of the 40s.”
“Yup, vintage is the best. I am a huge fan!”
We crossed the street and I wished him a nice day.
“You too,” he smiled back. Then he stopped, looked at me and said, “Are you a Gemini?”
I was a little stunned, I won’t lie. “Actually, I am, how’d you know?”He winked and started walking. “I’m on today,” was his response.
I was convinced at that point that he was Jesus. Or that magical fairy from Beauty and the Beast. I’m almost always convinced that when dealing with a total stranger, if I’m rude I will suddenly grow fur and claws and be condemned to a tower for the rest of my life. But hopefully this little incident just fed my good karma.
It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood…
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Interesting Things I Have Done/Learned This Month
A month ago around this time I went to a free happy hour and somehow ended up in the North End of Boston with a cigar in one hand and a cannoli in the other.
Two weekends ago I was in western Mass at my college roommate's bridal shower and helped sew a wedding vale together (you know me, Miss Debbie Domestic). I also learned that weekend what a garlic press is and that cabbage is not the same as lettuce even though to me they look identical.
Last Wednesday, I went to Colby Alumni Pub Night in Boston and came in last place at Colby Trivia. My group had no idea who the President of the Board of Trustees was but did guess the name of Bro's pet pig correctly. As you can see, what is important to some is not important to others.
Last weekend I found myself in Indianapolis visiting my darling Meredith and during a game of Catch Phrase, correctly guessed "Suze Orman" (the economist that often appears in O Magazine) but failed at every word in the sports division. I also learned that unless a Bengali Tiger is fully sedated, you should never try to push it out of a tree.
Today, while Melissa and I were at Payless on our lunch break, we witnessed a crime. Leaving the store, the woman in front of us set off the alarm and assuming it was a glitch in the system (as it usually is), none of us flinched. As soon as we got out of the store, the woman ran so fast our heads were spinning. Tom later asked me if, like a Good Samaritan, I had jumped and tackled her to the ground. I told Tom I jumped and tackled someone once in high school (not just for fun but to help another kid who was getting picked on) and really didn't feel like doing that again over a pair of cheaply made shoes.
Tonight I realized that I get more bridal magazines than any other mail and I swear to God, someone registered me somewhere as a joke. If David's Bridal calls me one more time to congratulate me on my wedding this June, I am going to retaliate with a few eye pecks.
On Friday, I leave for Italy to visit my sister who has been studying abroad in Florence and am completely packed and ready. It is going to be a whirlwind tour, but this much I know- I will have stomped on grapes at a Vineyard before I return to the U.S., even if I have to bring the damn grapes with me myself. I will also eat delicious, delicious pasta. And perhaps ride a Vespa.
Question of the day: What would you do differently in your life if there was no one there to judge it? If you could go back to being ten and fall hopelessly in love with someone who made no sense at all? If you had the courage to do precisely what it is your heart wants right this VERY moment?
Two weekends ago I was in western Mass at my college roommate's bridal shower and helped sew a wedding vale together (you know me, Miss Debbie Domestic). I also learned that weekend what a garlic press is and that cabbage is not the same as lettuce even though to me they look identical.
Last Wednesday, I went to Colby Alumni Pub Night in Boston and came in last place at Colby Trivia. My group had no idea who the President of the Board of Trustees was but did guess the name of Bro's pet pig correctly. As you can see, what is important to some is not important to others.
Last weekend I found myself in Indianapolis visiting my darling Meredith and during a game of Catch Phrase, correctly guessed "Suze Orman" (the economist that often appears in O Magazine) but failed at every word in the sports division. I also learned that unless a Bengali Tiger is fully sedated, you should never try to push it out of a tree.
Today, while Melissa and I were at Payless on our lunch break, we witnessed a crime. Leaving the store, the woman in front of us set off the alarm and assuming it was a glitch in the system (as it usually is), none of us flinched. As soon as we got out of the store, the woman ran so fast our heads were spinning. Tom later asked me if, like a Good Samaritan, I had jumped and tackled her to the ground. I told Tom I jumped and tackled someone once in high school (not just for fun but to help another kid who was getting picked on) and really didn't feel like doing that again over a pair of cheaply made shoes.
Tonight I realized that I get more bridal magazines than any other mail and I swear to God, someone registered me somewhere as a joke. If David's Bridal calls me one more time to congratulate me on my wedding this June, I am going to retaliate with a few eye pecks.
On Friday, I leave for Italy to visit my sister who has been studying abroad in Florence and am completely packed and ready. It is going to be a whirlwind tour, but this much I know- I will have stomped on grapes at a Vineyard before I return to the U.S., even if I have to bring the damn grapes with me myself. I will also eat delicious, delicious pasta. And perhaps ride a Vespa.
Question of the day: What would you do differently in your life if there was no one there to judge it? If you could go back to being ten and fall hopelessly in love with someone who made no sense at all? If you had the courage to do precisely what it is your heart wants right this VERY moment?
Monday, April 6, 2009
Adventures on the T.
Let me start by saying I have been completely inactive today. We're talking approx. 7 hours on the couch watching bad TV.
Moving right along...
Great story for you guys. I mean, the point of this blog IS to post great stories to make you laugh or think or, I don't know, distract you from work.
Saturday I get myself all dolled up for the Make-A-Wish Gala (huge success, by the way) and hope on the T. When I get on the T there is no one else that gets on but a mildly attractive male with somewhat bad boy tendencies (be still my immature heart). He sits directly across from me. I exchange a few flirtatious glances and then nervously read the ads on the wall as I am known by ex boyfriends as the "shifty eye girl." It's a bizarre thing, I know. I just have a hard time making eye contact for long periods of time without blushing.
We get to the Harvard T stop and the doors open. Two elderly Chinese women get on and sit DIRECTLY. BESIDE. ME. There is an entire train to choose from but they are literally on top of me. I think nothing of this because I have weird experiences constantly with perfect strangers. The woman next to me pulls out a tupperware container and out of the corner of my eye I try to identify what she's about to eat. It sort of looks like grapefruit but I don't want to get caught staring so I look off into space. A split second later I look directly at bad boy sitting across from me and realize he is staring at the woman next to me with his mouth wide open in that appalled, "what the hell?" way. I turn to my left, look down, and watch- horrified- as she cracks hard boiled egg after hard boiled egg open and then throws the shells down on the floor ontop of my foot and nice nylons. My eyes move from egg to foot and back up to the guy who is now staring directly at me, laughing silently, shoulders shaking. I immediately burst into laughter and bite my bottom lip as hard as possible. I can't even bare to look at him now because there is no way we'll make it the rest of the ride without appearing rude. And, since I do not speak Chinese (and I'm assuming this dude doesn't either), there's no way to politely ask this woman to stop dumping the shells on my foot as I need to work a black tie event at the Intercontinental Hotel in approximately 30 minutes.
I finally land at my stop, exit the T and laugh til I cry, walking in the rain down Atlantic Avenue.
What. Is. My. Life?
Moving right along...
Great story for you guys. I mean, the point of this blog IS to post great stories to make you laugh or think or, I don't know, distract you from work.
Saturday I get myself all dolled up for the Make-A-Wish Gala (huge success, by the way) and hope on the T. When I get on the T there is no one else that gets on but a mildly attractive male with somewhat bad boy tendencies (be still my immature heart). He sits directly across from me. I exchange a few flirtatious glances and then nervously read the ads on the wall as I am known by ex boyfriends as the "shifty eye girl." It's a bizarre thing, I know. I just have a hard time making eye contact for long periods of time without blushing.
We get to the Harvard T stop and the doors open. Two elderly Chinese women get on and sit DIRECTLY. BESIDE. ME. There is an entire train to choose from but they are literally on top of me. I think nothing of this because I have weird experiences constantly with perfect strangers. The woman next to me pulls out a tupperware container and out of the corner of my eye I try to identify what she's about to eat. It sort of looks like grapefruit but I don't want to get caught staring so I look off into space. A split second later I look directly at bad boy sitting across from me and realize he is staring at the woman next to me with his mouth wide open in that appalled, "what the hell?" way. I turn to my left, look down, and watch- horrified- as she cracks hard boiled egg after hard boiled egg open and then throws the shells down on the floor ontop of my foot and nice nylons. My eyes move from egg to foot and back up to the guy who is now staring directly at me, laughing silently, shoulders shaking. I immediately burst into laughter and bite my bottom lip as hard as possible. I can't even bare to look at him now because there is no way we'll make it the rest of the ride without appearing rude. And, since I do not speak Chinese (and I'm assuming this dude doesn't either), there's no way to politely ask this woman to stop dumping the shells on my foot as I need to work a black tie event at the Intercontinental Hotel in approximately 30 minutes.
I finally land at my stop, exit the T and laugh til I cry, walking in the rain down Atlantic Avenue.
What. Is. My. Life?
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Have you ever wondered why when in any given moment, your brain is literally minutes, hours, days or years ahead of you, giving you that cartoon character feeling where you wind up so fast to run that your feet have left and your body is still in place? Because I wonder about that every day. I'll be the first person to tell you to live in the moment, love the very second you're in and stop and smell the roses. But maybe it's easier to do that when there is nothing in the forseeable future. Maybe the reason we can just be happy in a moment is because we don't have any foresight into what the next moment may be. And when we finally DO, it changes everything.
I remember being at my old job and going home everyday to spend hours applying for new positions. I was so intent on moving on and moving out that the past year of my life before I moved to Boston was a pathetic little blur. I have almost no fond memories or pangs of nostalgia for that year at all except for the fact that I did love my coworkers and still miss them.
Now I am at my new job and I'm happy. I love what I do, I believe in it, and I've made great new friends. I have a fun apartment with awesome roommates in a great area of town. There is no forecasting. I'm living in the moment because there isn't any other moment that I want right now. I want what I have... or maybe I have what I want.
Of course, I still daydream about that chocolate shop at the foot of the Swiss Alps... but it seems more likely that that will come after the student loans have been paid off.
Then of course there is the issue of love- I've been in love... twice actually... maybe even three times. All very different types of love with very different types of people. And before I was in love with those various people, life was OK. I didn't have that "over the moon" feeling and a smile literally plastered to my face (ok, maybe I had the smile, but it wasn't coming from the same depths as the "love" smile), but life was good. I didn't know what I was missing-- I just knew that being single rocked, spending time with friends was the best, and all would happen in good time. Then, like a bat out of hell, love sideswipes you and turns you into this mush pot that picks wildflowers off the side of the road during lunch break. And all of a sudden you've reached this incredible high that you didn't know was possible and it's scary because what goes up must come down as the law of physics goes.
Bam. You're down. And now you're back to the place you were before except now you KNOW what love is like and now life is not quite the same. So you swear off relationships and you spend years reconstructing your heart and learning how to be the sassy, independent diva that you are... and that's when it happens again. Why? Because nature draws people into you when you are at your best. It makes sense...it's just annoying. Just when you finally think you're back to normal and happy, the complication finds its way back into your life. And you resist and fight and want desperately to keep it out but you eventually let your guard down again... and then it happens- the raging disappointment. The feeling that there is suddenly compromise or pain in someway... there is worry and missed calls and constant glancing into the future. Is this it? Where are we going? Should one of us move? Ughhhh.....
So again, things come down as they tend to and you are back at square one... though usually the second heartbreak is easier than the first. Maybe not easier, per se, you just now know how to deal with it and move on without the tears and excessive eating.
But see that's where it gets tricky- because now you've learned on multiple occasions that just because something is good at the start does not mean it always will be and it's a total double edged sword- you either keep your defenses so strong that you don't let anything in OR you let them down completely for a shot at that punch drunk feeling again... but you are reluctant to let yourself have that feeling because you know what it has the potential to do to you.
This is essentially a ramble. But I've been thinking about all of these things lately... and wondering if happiness comes from being 100% satisfied with life in its current state, in all its simplicity without complication? If happiness is the plateau where you know things aren't likely to go down at any moment (unless you get hit by a car or something) and it doesn't have the potential to go up, it just sort of is what it is and you have a routine and you're calm?
Hmmm.... No idea.
I remember being at my old job and going home everyday to spend hours applying for new positions. I was so intent on moving on and moving out that the past year of my life before I moved to Boston was a pathetic little blur. I have almost no fond memories or pangs of nostalgia for that year at all except for the fact that I did love my coworkers and still miss them.
Now I am at my new job and I'm happy. I love what I do, I believe in it, and I've made great new friends. I have a fun apartment with awesome roommates in a great area of town. There is no forecasting. I'm living in the moment because there isn't any other moment that I want right now. I want what I have... or maybe I have what I want.
Of course, I still daydream about that chocolate shop at the foot of the Swiss Alps... but it seems more likely that that will come after the student loans have been paid off.
Then of course there is the issue of love- I've been in love... twice actually... maybe even three times. All very different types of love with very different types of people. And before I was in love with those various people, life was OK. I didn't have that "over the moon" feeling and a smile literally plastered to my face (ok, maybe I had the smile, but it wasn't coming from the same depths as the "love" smile), but life was good. I didn't know what I was missing-- I just knew that being single rocked, spending time with friends was the best, and all would happen in good time. Then, like a bat out of hell, love sideswipes you and turns you into this mush pot that picks wildflowers off the side of the road during lunch break. And all of a sudden you've reached this incredible high that you didn't know was possible and it's scary because what goes up must come down as the law of physics goes.
Bam. You're down. And now you're back to the place you were before except now you KNOW what love is like and now life is not quite the same. So you swear off relationships and you spend years reconstructing your heart and learning how to be the sassy, independent diva that you are... and that's when it happens again. Why? Because nature draws people into you when you are at your best. It makes sense...it's just annoying. Just when you finally think you're back to normal and happy, the complication finds its way back into your life. And you resist and fight and want desperately to keep it out but you eventually let your guard down again... and then it happens- the raging disappointment. The feeling that there is suddenly compromise or pain in someway... there is worry and missed calls and constant glancing into the future. Is this it? Where are we going? Should one of us move? Ughhhh.....
So again, things come down as they tend to and you are back at square one... though usually the second heartbreak is easier than the first. Maybe not easier, per se, you just now know how to deal with it and move on without the tears and excessive eating.
But see that's where it gets tricky- because now you've learned on multiple occasions that just because something is good at the start does not mean it always will be and it's a total double edged sword- you either keep your defenses so strong that you don't let anything in OR you let them down completely for a shot at that punch drunk feeling again... but you are reluctant to let yourself have that feeling because you know what it has the potential to do to you.
This is essentially a ramble. But I've been thinking about all of these things lately... and wondering if happiness comes from being 100% satisfied with life in its current state, in all its simplicity without complication? If happiness is the plateau where you know things aren't likely to go down at any moment (unless you get hit by a car or something) and it doesn't have the potential to go up, it just sort of is what it is and you have a routine and you're calm?
Hmmm.... No idea.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Sometimes I lie.
Has anyone ever lied to a complete stranger for no reason and the whole time the lie is leaving your mouth thought, "What?!" Well, I have... it all started back in college when I was bumped to first class on my way back from working in a Costa Rican orphanage for Jan Plan. I was excited to sit in the lap of luxury but was much more at home in steerage. I end up trying to convince the flight attendant that there has been a mistake but she laughs and says, "Why don't you just sit down and relax?" So I do. In my sweat pants and ponytail, having not showered for approx. 48 hours, knapsack full of sand, books, and banana chips I embarked on my journey home. Sitting next to me was a large, suit wearing gentleman who had already removed his shoes (swell). He had a lovely gold Rolex and fancy leather briefcase at his feet. I smiled and pulled out a book.
"Visting?"
Startled. "Yes, well, I have a friend named Fernando that I stayed with but I was here doing some fieldwork at a Costa Rican orphanage."
A nice "aren't you cute trying to build a resume" smile. "That's lovely... I was here on vacation."
"OH? What do you do, sir?"
"I'm the CEO of a computer software company but I try to spend as much time as possible on my yacht."
Eeee.... really, though, I want to be back with the rats in steerage right now.
"Wow, that's crazy..." I muster. "So, you've traveled a lot?"
"Oh yes, all of Europe, Asia, the US, etc... it's a great life. So are you in school? What do you study?"
Well, sir, I go to Colby College where I study Spanish and Latin American Studies because I enjoy languages, culture, and all things beautiful. I plan on graduating and single handedly saving all the children by teaching them the alphabet and fun songs that I heard on Kids Rock and perhaps showing them how to make ice cream.
"Oh, actually, I'm finishing up at Colby with a degree in International Relations and I have already been accepted to law school at Harvard where I plan to study human rights law and one day work for the UN. I've already landed a great internship with UNESCO this summer."
Lie, lie, lie.
"Young lady, good for you! Your parents must be proud!"
Ya, I bet.
What possessed me to lie that day? I guess I felt intimidated. I ended up recalling this event to my cultural anthropology class one day a few weeks later and they got a real charge out of that. I'm sure my professor thought it was fascinating.
Sure enough, Saturday night, the lying continued. I'm out at a bar and the man next to me starts talking to me. Turns out he's a doctor from Harvard, finishing up his residency. What do I say to him?
"Wow, that's so funny, I am planning on going to med school to become a pediatrician. I just wanted to work a bit first to save some money and study."
"You know, you have to take the MCATs and work very hard. It's a lot of sacrifice."
"Yes, of course I know. I always sacrifice for the children. What of it?"
Hmmm..................and the saga continues. The hard part is keeping these stories in check if and when you see the person again. AWKWARD. Suerte with that one, Mariah.
"Visting?"
Startled. "Yes, well, I have a friend named Fernando that I stayed with but I was here doing some fieldwork at a Costa Rican orphanage."
A nice "aren't you cute trying to build a resume" smile. "That's lovely... I was here on vacation."
"OH? What do you do, sir?"
"I'm the CEO of a computer software company but I try to spend as much time as possible on my yacht."
Eeee.... really, though, I want to be back with the rats in steerage right now.
"Wow, that's crazy..." I muster. "So, you've traveled a lot?"
"Oh yes, all of Europe, Asia, the US, etc... it's a great life. So are you in school? What do you study?"
Well, sir, I go to Colby College where I study Spanish and Latin American Studies because I enjoy languages, culture, and all things beautiful. I plan on graduating and single handedly saving all the children by teaching them the alphabet and fun songs that I heard on Kids Rock and perhaps showing them how to make ice cream.
"Oh, actually, I'm finishing up at Colby with a degree in International Relations and I have already been accepted to law school at Harvard where I plan to study human rights law and one day work for the UN. I've already landed a great internship with UNESCO this summer."
Lie, lie, lie.
"Young lady, good for you! Your parents must be proud!"
Ya, I bet.
What possessed me to lie that day? I guess I felt intimidated. I ended up recalling this event to my cultural anthropology class one day a few weeks later and they got a real charge out of that. I'm sure my professor thought it was fascinating.
Sure enough, Saturday night, the lying continued. I'm out at a bar and the man next to me starts talking to me. Turns out he's a doctor from Harvard, finishing up his residency. What do I say to him?
"Wow, that's so funny, I am planning on going to med school to become a pediatrician. I just wanted to work a bit first to save some money and study."
"You know, you have to take the MCATs and work very hard. It's a lot of sacrifice."
"Yes, of course I know. I always sacrifice for the children. What of it?"
Hmmm..................and the saga continues. The hard part is keeping these stories in check if and when you see the person again. AWKWARD. Suerte with that one, Mariah.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Betty Crocker- Making Wishes Come True!
Hi all,
Betty Crocker made a generous donation to Make-A-Wish and now it's up to you to vote to see what chapter has a wish granted! Please click on the link below, register, and vote for Massachusetts as many times as you can!
XOXO
Mariah
http://www.bettycrocker.com/stirringupwishes/Default.aspx
Betty Crocker made a generous donation to Make-A-Wish and now it's up to you to vote to see what chapter has a wish granted! Please click on the link below, register, and vote for Massachusetts as many times as you can!
XOXO
Mariah
http://www.bettycrocker.com/stirringupwishes/Default.aspx
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
