This Is Going To Make An Awesome Story!

On Saturday night I babysat for two little girls that I absolutely adore. Honestly, I aspire to have children exactly like them someday. Here are a few of the reasons why:

1) When asked what Disney princess was her favorite, the four year old said : "Sleeping Beauty. But Mommy doesn't like the princesses. She says they're weak and need men to help them. That's why, even though I'm a princess, I also play basketball and tennis and do things for myself."

2) They were enthusiastic about having me teach them "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" in Spanish.

3) When asked what she wanted for her upcoming birthday, one said "Something special and homemade. I don't want people to have to spend money on me. I have enough things."

UMMM.
More mature than most 23 year olds I know, perhaps? Yes. So. In. Love. I cannot WAIT to raise my own children into fabulous, concerned little citizens.

But then I thought, hmmm..... interesting. Telling me they were not "weak" princesses while dressed up in sparkly beads and playing house and baby doll. Women are sent so many mixed messages that I almost don't even know where to begin. I can't tell you how many times I've been told to "Stand my ground," "Be more aggressive," and "Be independent," only to hear, "Men are intimidated by self-sufficient, strong women" and "You need to let them at least THINK they are helping you in some way, so even if you know how to change your tire, just let them do it."

Ok.....
Does anyone see a conflict of interest here? Because I do.

I found myself at Borders today in the self-help section in between books on "How to Keep Your Man Happy" and "How to Say No and Assert Yourself." I didn't MEAN to be in this section, mind you, I was looking for the book "The Purpose Driven Life" and was led astray. So, I succumbed to the pressure and glanced at both books just for kicks. They ended up sending me polar opposite messages. Completely frustrated, I walked over to the other side and looked at books on the Dalai Lama and Buddhism. In contrast to the first set of books, the books on Buddhism stressed the importance of putting others before oneself, being peaceful, meditating over fighting, and understanding your greater purpose in life instead of always focusing on YOUR goals and YOUR happiness and YOUR success.

My brain started to hurt.

I decided to cut my losses and go to the movies. There, I saw a preview for the movie, "He's Just Not That Into You." While the preview made me laugh (mostly because every woman will be able to relate somehow), it also made me cringe. The opening scene is a little girl on the playground who has a boy push her down and tell her she smells. Crying, she runs over to her mother and asks why the little boy did that. The mother says, "Ohh sweetie, it's because he LIKES you." Then the girl just looks confused.

NO KIDDING! OF COURSE SHE'S CONFUSED! I'm confused and I've been on this blessed planet for 23 years! Do I yell and scream and throw a squash at your head when you piss me off? Or do I sit in my room with a glass of wine, meditate, and write in my journal? Do I let you change my tire for me even though I know how to do it myself or do I whip out my spare? Is it OK for me to be loving and caring and try to help you and support you when you seem to need it or is that immasculating and unattractive? Should I be aggreeable and sweet? Or bitchy and sassy? A little of both? But what ratio if so? 50-50? 60-40?

Or should I just be ME? Because at this point, as much as I would like to be me and am TRYING to be me, sometimes I feel like everyone thinks they know who I am more than I know myself. Welllll... I tend to disagree. Because I am with me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year... and I think I have a relatively decent grasp on who I am. At this point it's safe to say that I am strong and independent but also vulnerable and trusting. I don't love quickly, but when I do, I love deeply and unconditionally (whether or not that is always the right way to go). I hate conflict but refuse to be walked on. And when I don't yell or pitch a fit, it's not actually because I'm weak or passive, it's because I have an incredible ability to see a situation from 90 different angles and perspectives which is helpful yet entirely frustrating and exhausting because I am able to justify everything in my life anyway that I want. And sometimes instead of letting my thoughts go through a million filters first to allow me to me a logical decision or come up with a rational reaction, I should just let myself react. But that's not me.

I choose to be happy. I choose to be positive and to give people the benefit of the doubt. I tend to believe that the majority of the population is innately good and filled with potential, whether tapped into or not. I love life and am happy to wake up in the morning full of energy and drive. I do not expend my energy on situations, people or things that I do not feel are worth my time. It does not mean I don't care or have not taken notice, it simply means I have seen enough, heard enough, and been part of enough in my life to know what matters and what doesn't. Dying children and poverty?? They matter. Not agreeing on what color to paint the living room? Insignificant. I feel that if people spent as much energy on giving back and being good as they do on bickering and being stubborn and proving their point, the world would be a much better place.

Until then, I will continue to hold strong to my opinions and ideals while accepting the fact that others' may differ. I will maintain my faith in people and their ability to grow, mature, and do good in the world and stay patient and loving. Mother Theresa once said, "I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. " She also said, "Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier. " I choose to follow those words of wisdom. Read that as you will. I will apply that to my relationships, to my job, to my life.

Love, love, love. Pure and simple. You cannot possibly go wrong if you show the world happiness, love, and peace. That is ultimate strength.

So, ladies? Mixed messages aside... be true to yourself. Listen to your own voice because you DO know yourself better than anyone else. Be open enough to listen to what others have to say but strong enough at the end of the day to distinguish your inner voice from theirs. If you figure out a failproof system for doing that, let me know. :)