To my Brain

Dear Brain,

I want to start off the day by letting you know that I really DO love you. I love that you function at a moderately sophisticated level that allows me to converse with people, filter out stupidity, and occasionally score points while watching Jeopardy. I also love that you convinced me that academics and studying were cool as a child which may or may not have affected my chances at becoming prom queen and/or my chances at dressing appropriately so that years later I would not open my yearbook and wonder who that "sweet little boy" was in the pictures. Brain, if you could've just sent me a signal when I took that razor to my eyebrows in 7th grade, preferably one that said, "STOP IMMEDIATELY," I would've really appreciated it. But no hard feelings.

And now I want to take a moment to scold you. Because you see, you tick too much and not in a good way. Once it's past 11 pm, your job is to stop and let me sleep. As much as I'd love to spend each and every night contemplating the trials and tribulations of my life and the world, it makes me tired the next day and HOW am I supposed to function as a fairy godmother when I'm fuzzy and sleepy? Plus, you don't have people calling you in Spanish 97 times a day. Conjugating verbs is tricky sans sleep and caffeine.

I also want to let you know that you don't always need to line up 48 pros and cons to every situation whenever a thought crosses my mind. For example, if someone says "Where do you want to go for dinner?" the following thoughts should not go through my mind:

Well, I would really like Italian food because pasta is delicious.
No, pasta can be messy, let's stick with Mexican because I love nachos.
But nachos make me crunch and mouth noises make me nervous.
True, but I am Latina at heart.
Focus.
I mean, I don't really care, I'm laid back and eat everything.
But I should care because me saying I don't care is a sign of disinterest and makes me seem weak and like I can't think for myself.
On the other hand, I surely don't want to come across as opinionated or pick the wrong restaurant because I KNOW I can go with the flow if I don't like something but I have zero faith in the rest of the world to do so.
And why is that? Why don't I have more faith in people? Why can't I rely on them to make fair, educated decisions and go with the flow too?

"Mariah?"

Shit, what was the question?

"Ummm, I don't care. You pick."

Ughhhhhh...............................


See, brain, that scenario should never play out. That entire thought process should've ended with, "I'd like Italian." But I love you, brain, I do, because I know that someday that logical/deductive reasoning might let me finish law school (unlike that last time when I dropped out).
Brain, today I want you to act on instinct. I want you to stop processing at lightening speed and start having fun. Talk to people, do not overanalyze what you say and what they say, life is too short.

That is my request. And also? No more wild dreams about having a runny nose that will not stop. That's gross. And frustrating.

Love, Mariah XO